4 Lessons I've Learned Dating as a Single Mom

There are a few dating lessons I've learned over the years as a single mom that have helped me manage my expectations and make intelligent dating choices. Dating as a single parent presents unique challenges, but knowing what you want and going about it with confidence makes it easier.

Decide On Boundaries Around Meeting Kids

There are many answers to the debate about whether you should introduce someone you're dating to your kids. In the old days, I would only want to teach my kids to someone I've been dating for a year or a few years. However, this shouldn't be entirely the right decision either. I'm afraid to put my children in a more heartbroken situation, but heartbreak is a part of life, and we can't always keep our children away. It can also be an opportunity to teach them the art of letting go and how to deal with loss and grief — all necessary life skills. I don't think everyone you date needs to see your kids, but every parent has to do what's best for them.

Plus, some single parents don't have the money for a babysitter when they want to see someone they're dating. They probably don't want to put their love lives on hold because of this, either. But no matter what, please prioritize your child's safety! Whether it's conducting background checks or limiting interactions between your kids and their dates, everything should be done slowly.

Date Intentionally  

I know many single moms looking to settle down or to have a partner to help raise their kids. If this is your intention, be honest about it so you don't waste your precious time because dating is expensive and time-consuming. Weekends are the only time I have free time, and I have to pay for a babysitter to get dates. Dating also means I spend less time with my kids. To avoid wasting your resources on people who won't get you closer to your goals, date consciously.

When I started dating, I set out to rediscover my expectations for a future partner. In this way, I respect their time and respect mine.

Avoid People Who Dislike Single Moms

When it comes to dating a single mother, the first reaction of most men is "It needs to help her raise children!". Men referred to single moms as 'damaged goods' who weren't worth the expense. Some said single moms are every man's last choice, so men who chose to pay for sitters are 'simps'. They also said women need to take more accountability for basically being promiscuous and having children outside of marriage. In other words, single moms aren't worth the hassle.

But please believe that there will also be men who respect single moms and admire the work that goes into raising kids single-handedly. So, please pick objects in the right range.

Accept Yourself Fully

As the mother of a divorced child, this is a fact of life. But I can't have a healthy relationship if I don't fully accept the past and start my new life. Dating as a confident and self-accepting single mom has helped me attract better-quality men. In the final analysis, how you see yourself will most likely be how other people see you.

I have also accepted that I am not for everyone. Men choosing not to date me, because I have a kid, isn't a reflection of me–it's a preference they're entitled to have. It doesn't mean I'm spoiled goods, unworthy of love, or a lesser quality woman. And for the record, I will never feel ashamed or apologize for being a single mom.